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Link: Varney the Vampire recap

December 9, 2010

The always entertaining Cleolinda has just begun a serialized recap of the 1840s serialized vampire novel Varney the Vampire, and it is hilarious. For example:

And now we proceed to one of the key features of Rymer/Prest’s writing, which is: real time dialogue, for idiots, by idiots. Did you hear a scream? I don’t know, did you? I’m pretty sure I did or I wouldn’t be asking? Yes, I think I heard a scream! Do you know where you heard the scream? It was so sudden that I cannot say! You guys, I think it came from FLORA’S ROOM! FLORA’S ROOM? YOU MEAN THE ROOM OF OUR SISTER? WHY YES I DO THINK SO! GET UP! I AM UP! DID YOU HEAR IT TOO? I SAY OLD CHAP I DO BELIEVE I DID! I am not even kidding. It’s still going, in fact. DO YOU HEAR THE SCREAMS? THE SCREAMS, THEY SCREAM AGAIN! WHY YES I DO! CAN YOU DOUBT THEY ARE FLORA’S NOW? WHY I DO NOT BELIEVE I CAN! WE MUST SEARCH THE HOUSE! WHY, DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE YOUR SISTER’S ROOM IS? WELL I’M JUST SAYING THAT MAYBE WE NEED TO BE THOROUGH ABOUT THIS! BUT I THOUGHT WE AGREED IT’S FLORA (WHO IS YOUR SISTER) WHO IS SCREAMING? So finally we get to Flora’s room, but it is locked!! I will spare you the next umpteen pages of three grown men trying to conquer this one door, except to say that Marchdale runs off and gets his crowbar (what, you don’t keep a crowbar in your room?), and we start to make progress. Kind of.

Anyway: mediocre Victorian novel, snarky recap, etc. I though it was kind of relevant.

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